fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My balls are so social today.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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