My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
