My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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