Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
