so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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