Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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