This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
