You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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