Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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