false alarm. still invincible.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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