U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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