Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
