you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just high enough for therapy.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
