apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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