I cockslap morals
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
