I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
