She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
