Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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