i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
