paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
