i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
