If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
