i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
