Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
