I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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