i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
