I just threw up on my dentist
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
