do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
