peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
