I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
