hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
