i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
