It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
