Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
