Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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