Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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