I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
