I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
