If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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