I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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