I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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