If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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