Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
