her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
