theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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