we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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