Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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