My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
