Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
