YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
