im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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