That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
